The Outpost Glossary
(some will make you grin, some will make you smile, and some might even teach you something!)
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Arcadia Outpost: Canoe Outpost Main office. All phone calls, reservations, and daily operations focus in Arcadia. 40, 16, 10, & 5 mile runs end in Arcadia. Arcadia Outpost is off SR 70, two miles west of Arcadia, behind the Peace River Campground. Arcadia has on-site staff, wooden dock, bathrooms, shady parking, and picnic tables.
Bad List: database where the names of Outpost Outcast are stored.
Beach (The): The “Thank God” we made it point in Gardner. The beach is the 23 mile take-out and the 16 mile put-in. A few trips up and down the beach and the blood starts flowing in your bottom again.
Beach Brat: one of the pack of kids that live and/or play at Gardner. You’ll see them  Sundays on the beach.
Boat: not a canoe or kayak. We don’t do boats. Ghenooes, Scanooes, Ganoes fall under this category, they are not canoes!
Bow: rhymes with cow, the front of the canoe. Bow person does all the paddling. Need to turn around and check every once in a while to make sure the stern (back seat) is paddling. The woman usually gets the bow.
Bozo No-No: Taking a thwart out, coming in late, bringing an oversized cooler, bringing a chainsaw, bringing guns, bringing a boat motor, not bringing your trash back, you name it, the stupid stuff. Also see The Canoe Outpost Way.
Bucket Brigade: what everyone needs to form at the back of the bus to help pass the gear and equipment out while the canoes are being unloaded.
Campfire: Made of small dead wood with a flame of about 24” in height, usually everyone can sit about five feet from it. Opposite of signal fire.
Canoe: Usually floats, has two seats, three thwarts, and can be carried by one toter. Canoe Outpost canoes can hold two people and three little kids or two people and a pile of camping gear. Canoe Outpost canoes don’t carry oversized coolers. Canoe Outpost canoes are not registered for motors of any type including trolling motors. Canoe Outpost canoes are silver aluminum with round  blue and white stickers. Also see The Canoe Outpost Way.
Canoe Knees: what every paddler gets if they don’t put sunscreen on their knees.
Cockpit: kayak you sit down inside of. Canoe Outpost has cockpit solo and tandem yaks.
Cushion: blue boat cushions supplied at no cost to each person. Cushions are not mandatory, just complimentary.
Cushion Boy: Whoever, regardless of sex, scrubs the cushions and lifejackets after the trip. At Canoe Outpost we scrub everything so don’t stand too close to the wash table.
Dock (The): The “Thank God” we made it point in Arcadia. The Dock is the 40, 16, & 10 mile take-out. A few trips up and down the stairs at the dock and the blood starts flowing in your bottom again. Working the dock will give you buns of steel.
Dead wood: piece of dead trees that fall to the ground, used in making campfires. The opposite of green wood.  
Drag: Sometimes during low water you will have to drag the canoe over logs and sandbars. This usually happens on the Zolfo Springs to Gardner stretch during spring or if the water is 12" below normal or more. Usually one person or both people have to get out of the canoe.
Drivers: Those fearless folks who drive you to your appointed destination. Sit down, shut up, and hang on! The driver takes you to the put-in.  
Fair Game: Anyone walking in the work area at the dock as the goobers are carrying up the canoes.
Fitted Jacket: Opposite of horse collars. Fitted jackets are “vest” style jackets  with belts in a multitude of colors available at main office. Kids are given fitted jackets to wear. Adults can request fitted jackets. Don’t request a fitted jacket unless you plan on wearing it, it does no good sitting on the bottom of the canoe.
Gardner Outpost: Canoe Outpost satellite office where the 23 mile/Zolfo Springs to Gardner Run ends. Open for check-in during Spring and Fall. Open for end of trip parking every Saturday and Sunday. Gardner is 10 miles north of Arcadia of Hwy 17N. Gardner has on-site staff, bathrooms, sandy beach, shady parking, and picnic tables.
Gardner South: 170 acres south of the Gardner Outpost owned by Canoe Outpost
Gates: When they’re closed, so are we.
Gator Bait: little yappin’ dogs or little yappin’ kids
Glass: Usually comes in the form of a beer bottle, doesn’t burn or decompose. We don't have recycling in this area.
Goober: see Toter
Green Wood: What Outpost Outcasts and stupid morons use to build campfires and signal fires. Requires chopping of live trees and shrubs. You can tell it from dead wood because it has green leaves.
Gunnel: rhymes with tunnel, top edge of the canoe along the sides.
Horse Collar: Orange PFD that all adults need to have in the canoe. These are the standard  boat jackets. Horse Collar is usually already on the bus or at the Put-in.
Leaker: What a canoe becomes when you drag the canoe down the concrete boat ramp, take a thwart out, or chop a hole in the bottom.
Lifejacket: that orange thing in the back of the bus that each person has to have in the canoe with them. You don't have to wear them (you may in the future) but it is recommended especially in high water.
Lifejacket Belt: commonly mistaken for a rope to tie the canoes together (another Bozo No-No). Also a fashion statement of the canoe toters to hold up their pants. Lifejacket belts come from ripped/torn lifejackets.
Little White Landmines: the tp left behind by rude campers, see Wee-Wee in the Woods.
Mean High Water: highly debated line along the river that paddlers need to stay below. To be on the safe side stay down by the water except on property Canoe Outpost owns. Usually the mean high water mark is about 2 feet above normal water level so don’t go hiking around in people’s yards and pastures.
Nile Perch: Tilipia, fish that make the round, crater depressions in the shallow water.
Oak Hill: Halfway between Brownville and Arcadia. Canoe Outpost’s private picnic/primitive camping area.
Office Staff: There’s always a woman in charge at Canoe Outpost.
Oversized Cooler: 80 qts. or larger. Leave the big white coffins at home, they don’t fit in a canoe or kayak.
Outpost Outcast: Anyone who commits a Bozo No-No.
Paddle: that silver and blue thing you have to put in the water every once in a while if you’re going to get back before closing time. also the act of using the silver and blue thing.
Parking: preferably in rows, parallel to other vehicles, and not blocking them in. Staff tries to help keep it straight. When in doubt, park next to other vehicles, don't try to create your own row. People with clipboards will make you move.
Personal: canoe or kayak not owned by Canoe Outpost, see theirs
PFD: Personal Floatation Device, same as lifejacket. Federal law requires that every person have one. Florida law requires that kids under six have them on while on the water.  
Portage: to portage means to take all your gear out of the canoe and carry the empty canoe over dry land and then make similar trips with all the equipment. Canoe Outpost will not knowingly put you on a trip that you will have to "portage". See drag or walk the canoe.
Property owner: what the paddlers are not. Someone else owns all the property along the river, not you or anyone with your party or even the government, so be courteous.
Put-in: Where you put the canoe in the water, the starting point of your paddle trip.
Release Form: Form at check-in that everyone who can read or write and/or see over the counter has to sign before getting in a canoe/kayak or on the bus. Basically, it says that everything is your fault.
Red Bugs: what you’re going to get if you keep picking up that Spanish moss on the ground.
Seatback: what the paddler in the know always rents but never gets if Katie is checking in. Gotta watch her, she’ll forget your seats every time. Similar to a stadium seat.
Sifter (fossil sifter): Free loaners at Arcadia office. We don’t guarantee you’ll find any fossils though.
Signal Fire: Campers use all the firewood in a three mile radius to build this one. Flames reach heights of 10-20 feet. The surrounding woods, tents, and campers are threatened by flying ash and sparks and no one can sit within a hundred foot radius of the fire. Also called the "South Florida" style of campfire.
Sit-On-Top: Refers to kayaks that you sit on top of. Not a cockpit, no sides.
Solo: Refers to one-person kayak, either sit-on-top or cockpit.
South Oak: Oak Hill picnic/camp spot that everyone misses because they can’t see the sign thru the bottom of a beer bottle.
Stern: the backend of the canoe, stern does all the steering. Where the man always wants to sit.  
Strainer: like spaghetti strainer. The place in the river where there is usually a downed tree that collects anything that floats especially canoes in high water. You'll also see lifejackets, cushions, and trash in the strainers. The railroad trestle just north of the dock in Arcadia is a big strainer during high water. You want to avoid strainers and make sure you're afloat near one.
Take-out: Where you take the canoe out of the water, where your trip ends.
Tandem: Two-person kayak. Canoes are also tandem, made for two people but can hold more.
Theirs: personal canoe or kayak not owned by Canoe Outpost. Those with their own vessels usually are not Canoe Outpost customers, sometimes they are though.
Thwart: Middle bar in the canoe, not to be taken out, usually not good to use as a seat either. Sit on the thwart and chances are you’ll be a tipper.
Tipper: people that can’t stay upright and floating in the canoe
Tip or Flip: what a toter will do to you if you come in late. Tip him or he'll flip you. If you hear tip or flip, you know you're in trouble.
Toter: the hard working, canoe carrying guy machine of Canoe Outpost. The toter takes care of your canoe at the put-in and take-out. They take care of the canoe before you put your stuff in it and after you take your stuff out. same as a goober.
Wash Rack: Rack where toters stack canoes for cleaning. Not the customer “stand and watch the toters” tote area.
Wash Table: Work area for the toters, drivers, and cushion boy to scrub the gear. Not the customer cooler wash, feet wash, shower area.  There are separate areas for the customers such as by the Iggy cage and by the flower bed in front of the office.
Walk: Sometimes during low water you will have to walk the canoe over logs and sandbars. This usually happens on the Zolfo Springs to Gardner stretch during spring sometimes farther south. Usually one person or both people have to get out of the canoe and let the canoe float over the sandbar.
Wee-Wee in the Woods: What every paddler has to do eventually. Directions available at the office. Remember: bury it, burn it, or bring it out. See “little white landmines”
Wildlife: weekdays you will usually see some wild critters, weekends you'll see the two-legged ones in the canoes.
Yak: Short for kayak
 
Hhhmmm….if everyone brought back one piece of trash that was not theirs, the river would be cleaner.